Snake's Fulton Adventure
by WorstFanficWriter
Summary: A story about discovery, heartbreak, and a man's trip to Cairo's Heart Attack Grill branch.


_**SNAKE'S FULTON ADVENTURE**_

So one day, Snek was walking to Cairo to get a burger, when suddenly HYPER-REALUSTICDEATH SHIVA JUN DIO CAM APPEARRED!1!one!

So Shiva Jun sent out Enrico, who sent out a Baby Sampsonite, who sent out his stand Green Day! Soon, Shunk started felling moar and more smol. He was shrinking!

So Solid Shalk slapped a Fulton onto his moist, shimmering leg, sprinkled it with salad, then fed it to Enrico while as smol as Pearl is salty.

Enrico then ate Shalk's leg, which caused Snuk to bleed out a slow, merciless demise.

But then it turned out that Big Boy was in the leg all along, and it was a trap!

So Big Boy activated the Fulton while also activating his Ant Man suit that he had on, then he IMPLODED the gay priest into EXPLOSION.

It turned out that the Baby Sampsonite was only controlled by Enrico, and began krumping SHIVA JUN, MAKING JUN BLEED HYPERREALISTIC BEES! SO THEY WERE ALL ASSAULTED BY BEES!

But then, in the chaos, Big Boy felt something other than the cloud's raging stingers ravage his entire body. He was spun around-

"Hey there, handsome! 3 ~"

There, Big Boy saw his worst nightmare.

In the midst of the bee-flooded chaos, he saw something that made everything else look normal by comparison.

Even despite blocking his eyes from such an atrocious sight (or the massed, agitated cloud of bees surrounding himself), he saw that her...his...it's body was slender and feminine, it's skin a mixture of metal and white fur.

He thought that he saw the creature wearing a sunflower mask and a bee costume, yet his mind was concentrated on watching the creature's next move.

"Come on, handsome! 3 Let me give you some love!"

He saw the creature pull out a large black cone, similar to a bee's...stinger? And it looked at his crotch-

Oh no, he muttered under his breath.

He tried to move, but the bees caused him to swell into a large mass of flesh with their stinging. And he forgot that he was allergic to bees for just a short, tiny minute...

"Come give me some love, hun! 3"

Big Boy closed his eyes, and braced for the inevitable...

"Yes...OH, YE-"

Then, his vision went dark...

*later*

"AHAHAHAHA!"

Jun grabs the baby Sampsonite, staring into its innocent, pure, virgin eyes.

The clouds are gone.

"You dare betray your master? HAHAHAHA!"

"Try using your stand NOW!"

The baby Sampsonite tried with all of its might, but it could not. Jun's KILLING INTENT was too strong to alter his perceptions.

It curled up into a ball within Jun's hands.

Weeping.

Wailing.

Mourning his own defeat, and his seemingly inevitable demise.

*gripping Sampsonite* "Well, I guess a tenderized sacrifice is better than nothing, I guess."

*BOOM*

The baby Sampsonite fell to the ground.

JUN staggered, writhing in pain!

His leg had been shattered by a gunshot!

JUN fell to the ground, and saw...

Snek: "It's a beautiful day outside, isn't it?"

chew

Snek was chewing on a nice, fat Triple Bypass burger, dripping in lard in one hand.

In the other hand was a .44 magnum, smoking hot.

He blew it off, his spittle dripping onto his revolver.

Disgusted, he wiped it on his combat suit, casually strolling up to Dio in the expansive, all-encompassing Cairo sunrise.

"Seagulls are singing..."

"Your flower is dying..." Snek glanced to Jun's stand, "Bee Afraid," which was now collapsed on the ground, halfway turned to dust.

Jun: "But...how? I thought that I kille-"

Jun realized that Shalk, Snuk, Shunk, and Big Boy was no-where to be seen. No dust, no bodies, nothing...

Jun: "No.."

Snek: "But yes, Jun. For on days like these..."

Jun: "No, no, no! Please!"

Snek: "Kids like you..."

*click*

Jun: "Please, have mer- Wait, but I'm a grown ma-"

*BOOM*

Snek: "Should always do your best."

Snek casually blows the end of his .44, nibbling the last of his burger. His face was now coated in lard and orange sauce.

Snek: "But your best wasn't good enough..."

Snek holstered his .44, turning towards the baby Sampsonite.

Snek: "Wasn't it?"

Snek let out a subtle grin.

Sampsonite: "Thank you, Snek! You saved me!"

Sampsonite: "But, how did you do that?"

Snek looked over to Jun's corpse, and the pile of dust that was Bee Afraid.

Snek then looked in the distance, a cluster of light and smoke drifting off aimlessly.

He could barely see Big Boy and the rest of the gang, strolling away as if they never went into battle.

Snek: "Automatic Stands, son."

Nipping his pocket, he pulled out a big fat cigar and slipped it casually into the corner of his mouth.

Casually, he reached into his front pocket and brought out a Zippo, casually lighting the cigar in one stroke.

"Nevereverland."

He closed his Zippo, and slipped it neatly back into his front pocket.

"I consider it a guardian angel, but it's more and less than that."

"Makes it so that there seems to be many of me at one place, tangible, menacing-"

Sampsonite: "And meat shields, essentially?"

Snek: "Eh, amazingly they can't be destroyed normally. If they get enough damage, I usually see them go BOOM, disappear, then appear somewhere else.

It's as if they're my guardian angels, for some reason."

Sampsonite: "Heh, guess that explains the bright flash and the crater, eh?

Sampsonite and Snek are in the middle of a large crater alongside what used to be one of Ain Sukhna's boardwalk. Seawater's starting to lap over the side, making the ground muddy with sand, soot, and dirt.

Sampsonite: "But wait, how did you manage to kill him with bullets? My hyper-krumping, the bees, and even the explosion didn't even phase him!"

Snek: "You did do something."

Tapping Jun's head and leg, Sampsonite notices both of them pouring out with red dust, mixed in with pieces of flesh.

Snek: "I just waited until your hyper-krumping and the explosion weakened his stand, as well as the bees to finish stinging everything around you guys."

Gripping Jun's head wound with both of his hands, Snek tears his head in two. Although Sampsonite is mortified, he noticed that the part of Jun's brain not shredded by the .44 was blackened and necrotized.

"See? You gave the guy so much head trauma and brain cancer from it, I only had to shoot him twice in order to end his miserable suffering."

Snek dropped the torn remains of Jun's head, kicking it vehemently.

"Didn't even remember how to use his stand, heh."

Sampsonite's eyes were filled with equal parts contempt and pride for such a mixed message concerning his battle krumping abilities, though they were also filled with ecstasy for Snek complementing his effectiveness in battle.

"Plus, the explosion may have weakened both of your stands heavily. It tends to fuck everything up equally around itself, from what I've seen in battle."

Sampsonite felt his heart. Although his stand was weakened by Snek, he was elated that the majority of Snek's might was directed towards his ultimate arch-nemesis, Jun.

Sampsonite hugged Snek's leg affectionately.

"H-hey! What's the matter?"

"Can I come with you, Snek?"

Sampsonite's eyes widened, in a moe, disgustingly adorable fashion. Damn! One of his psychological weaknesses!

He could not handle the moe.

"Ah...alright. But only for-"

A faint *chik-chik!* noise rang in the distance!

"Wait, what the-"

*CRACK!*

Baby Sampsonite was reduced to a blood shower!

Snek's lower leg was reduced to a blood shower!

Snek: "OW, SHI-"

In an instant, Snek quickly popped a pill into his mouth before collapsing, succumbing to his critical wound.

He tumbled onto the now soaked earth, his eyes now facing towards the golden sky.

Snek tried reaching for his revolver, but the pain was too much, even for him.

His mind was in shambles, his heart was decimated, and his vision was fading fast.

Before his vision faded, he saw a figure stroll up to him.

He thought that it looked feminine, with her cold, distant streaks of purple and light blue hair clashing with the warmth of the orange, rising expanse behind her.

Before Snek passed out, he saw the character tip what looked like a black hat, clashing with her faux - innocent white sailor-esque school girl outfit that he barely managed to get a glimpse of.

He felt the tip of a long, thin sword press against the tip of his throat.

As he blacked out, he heard one last thing before he faded into the darkness, once again:

"...nothing personal, kid..."

*CRZZK*


End file.
